Q&A with military special operations family collaborative

The collaborative’s goal is to improve organizational learning with unique data and tools, promote relevant and effective force and family programs and resources, and develop research initiatives to tackle complex problems facing the special operation community.

It’s no surprise that the physical and psychological effects of special forces training and operations can result in higher rates of suicide, chronic stress disorders, and longterm medical complications. Why is family so important to the health and wellness of our special forces?

Family, even if it is the extended family, plays a critical role in the life of every service member and veteran. Family members notice every success, struggle, and failure and they accompany the service member through it. Some data suggests that operators tend to delay help-seeking for physical and invisible wounds 13 years and 3 months, but typically the family is aware of those challenges and seeking resources about 7-9 years earlier.

They are a critical pillar of support that is seen and unseen, and their success is intertwined with the identity and ultimately the legacy of the service member. We know that when a family is struggling, their service member or veteran is struggling, too. It is a truth that can be acknowledged and supported or ignored. However, we know from all sorts of research that when the family is engaged everyone does better. Health and behavior change is more likely to last.

In January, Commander General Bryan P. Fenton hosted SOCOM’s first forum on mental health for some command team leaders and their spouses. Their official statement emphasized the importance of “engaged leadership.”

Q&A with Military Special Operations Family Collaborative:

What is your experience with attempting to engage SOF leadership in conversations around the connection between mental health and family?

In my experience of almost 20 years as a military spouse, leaders are typically doing their best to accomplish the mission and do right by the people serving to their left and their right. Over the past 20 years, special operations have been heavily engaged in missions in support of war and options other than war, and in many instances it formed a mindset of always looking to the next immediate mission or thing. That led to a lack of genuine connection between the force and leaders – at all levels; but almost none of those leaders have been equipped with the information they needed to really care for the physical or mental health of their force. This is not leadership negligence. Special Operations Forces serve in a chronic stress environment for the entire duration of their time in special operations and this changes the health and readiness needs of the force. Often leaders have never heard such information so they are left to lead in a more conventional sort of way.

In 2018, your foundation’s research team found that only 13% of special ops families believed that current resources met their needs. How can organizations bridge this gap and improve services to this community?

There is an overwhelming sentiment that resources and programs do not meet the needs of the community, that the challenges of the special operations community are unique and unknown, and that there is no way to really even begin to broach that divide. This is because special operations families are often “forced” to wear the same shoes of those of the conventional force. Their challenges look similar, but the degree of stress they put on the family is of a whole different kind.

Special operations is a chronic stress environment, so our service members, veterans, and their families recognize and respond to stress uniquely. Often they need health and wellness information re-packed so it even appears relevant to them, and they almost always need unique skills to engage with resources and begin folding healthy habits into their lives. When units and organizations understand this, we can start turning the tide of what optimal performance and thriving look like for the whole family and community.

Can you tell me about the foundation’s forthcoming family cookbook and what inspired your team to write it?

The Warrior’s Table tells the story of life in the Special Operations Forces (SOF) community through the experiences of real SOF spouses and families across the service branches. Our family dinner team, The Cast Iron Crew, shares recipes from decades in SOF and how they safeguard what matters most.

This book came to be because in our initial work and research, I identified some common habits that were true of almost every family I talked to in special ops – regardless of their home unit. Each of these habits were completely understandable and frankly behaviors I would expect, but that didn’t change the fact that they were not healthy and in many cases were red flags for trouble on the horizon. One of those bad habits was avoiding family dinner, and it turns out family dinner is actually a key piece of many of the other pitfalls I found. So writing a book on family dinner in special ops seemed like a natural must do.

As a wife and mother in the special operations community, do you have any words of encouragement for families who want to improve and strengthen their family bonds?

I think the biggest essential for special ops families, and frankly all military and veteran families, is to cling to what matters. It isn’t always possible to be present to every life event of the people you love, but don’t let that become an attitude and way of living. Cling to what matters by finding a way to be present and show up for the people you care about in a way that lets them know you treasure them. To me – that is what the first SOF truth (Humans are more important than hardware) should enable.

The first editions of the Warrior’s Table are available in bulk order for military units, organizations, and nonprofits. Visit the Military Special Operations Family Collaborative website for more information.